On a recent business trip to lovely Baltimore, I stopped at my favorite airport burrito joint, California Tortilla. I was amazed at some of the hot sauces on offer, including notables such as “Pain & Suffering,” “Rectum Ripper XXX 1/2″, and my favorite name, “Ass in the Tub Hot Sauce,” all of which were entirely used up.

Now, what name could possibly dissuade people from trying a bottle of hot sauce? If “Rectum Ripper” doesn’t do it, I’m not sure anything will.

You can’t say you weren’t warned.

On one of our last days in Australia, I took Emma across Sydney Harbour to Manly Beach, a place my sister and I sometimes visited as elementary school kids. We used to love the retro funhouse and the massive shark tank next door that opened up to the sea on one side. Good times.

Sadly, the funhouse and shark tank were gone, and Manly had definitely taken a turn for the sketchier. Emma and I stopped by the public bathrooms, where we practiced our mouth-breathing and one-legged balancing while changing into our bathing suits, hoping in vain that the muck on the floor wouldn’t rise above the edges of our flip-flops.

As we made our way toward the sand, we happened upon the following sign, very much in the spirit of the bather’s rules from our wedding weekend:

Unfortunately, they left out “No Spitting on the Respect Sign,” as evidenced by the feedback someone deposited just to the right of the list.

Ok, you have to try this now: If you’re on a Mac, hold down control-option-command and press the 8 key. Total insanity.

(If you’re on a PC, check out the chickens and rabbits below. That’s all I got for ya.)

Last summer, while we were down in Cape May, NJ for our wedding, I came across what has to be the most bizarre set of pool rules in history, at what seemed to be an otherwise decent little motel where a few of our friends stayed. The pool rules from this motel are as follows, directly transcribed from their prominently posted official sign, and accompanied by a pic from my camera phone as proof below:

BATHER RULES

1) Any person showing evidence of any communicable skin disease, sore or inflamed eyes, cold, nasal or ear discharges, or any other communicable disease shall be denied admission.

2) Any person with excessive sunburn, open blisters, cuts or bandages shall be denied admission.

3) Do not enter the water if you are experiencing or recovering from diarrhea or have had any signs of gastrointestinal (stomach) disease in the past seven days.

4) All children in diapers must wear plastic pants with snug fitting elastic waist and leg bands. Do not wash out soiled diapers in the bathing water.

5) Children should be encouraged to use the restroom before entering the water. Immediately report any “accidents” you observe in the bathing waters to a lifeguard.

Needless to say, the pool and its environs were empty. On the plus side, there were plenty of chaise lounges available.

My parents send me e-cards for just about every holiday. This latest one I received for Thanksgiving has me speechless. It’s one of the weirdest, creepiest things I’ve ever seen. Honestly, you have to check it out.

I think Hallmark’s farming out the creative on these things to dementia patients.

3 Quarks Daily posted a bunch of logic problems for the Thanksgiving weekend. Some of them are pretty fantastic.

There was one problem in particular that drew something like 100+ comments from all sorts of amateur and expert probability statisticians. It goes like this:

“Walking down the street one day, I met a woman strolling with her daughter. ‘What a lovely child,’ I remarked. ‘In fact, I have two children,’ she replied. What is the probability that both of her children are girls? Be warned: this question is not as trivial as it may look.”
(more…)